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1. University of Nebraska—Lincoln

day one, lincoln:

after a very long drive in which i slept the whole way, i found myself in a very peculiar place surrounded by endless amounts of uncooked popcorn. with such a rich metropolis at my fingertips i took to finding memorial stadium, the home of the cornhuskers to see what it was all about. when i arrived, i stumbled upon a press conference. i thought what a perfect place for me to ask what the area had to offer. but someone kicked me out, oh well. so i ventured onward trying to get into the stadium when suddenly a very nice man named steve let me in with his big ring of keys. thx steve ily. well it was big, it was red and it was hot.

and out of completely nowhere two new friends popped out to play with me on the field, herby and lil red. v gigantic silly friendly dudes. they told me to try this thing called a runza? idk it was basically a hot pocket's cousin eddie, it was nice for nebraska i guess. so this first stop, that was completely surrounded by nothing but bison and corn i’d say was filled with fun and very nice people. i look forward to coming back sometime soon. i give it a rating of 3/5 🌽’s. still can’t find map so who knows where is next.

— duck

2. University of Minnesota

day two, minneapolis:

well after driving all through the night past misplaced baseball fields in cornfields i found myself in the land on miniature soda pops, don’t cha ya know. i saw my first lake just outside of huntington bank stadium, so i guess that means i have 9,999 more to go to see them all. i couldn’t find goldy the gopher anywhere but i think i found his cousin…? so i took a picture with bronzy the gopher, the statue and booked it get some grub because i was starving!!!

to add insult to injury on my way i passed this giant spoon thing in a park which only made me more hungry. but finally i made it to matt’s for a juicy lucy. word to the wise, bring a bib or an apron or a quilt to save yourself from the cheese explosion after your first bite. they say it gets really cold here, but for now i’ll give it a rating of 4/5 lakes. also don’t ask me about my map, still have no idea where i’m going.

— duck

3. University of Iowa

day three, iowa city:

ahhh iowa city… the corvallis of the midwest. after failing miserably trying to find my favorite avenger, hawkeye, in a corn maze for a few hours i instead found myself at kinnick stadium. while i was there i waved at the nearby children’s hospital to introduce myself to the nice kids inside. as i continued walking around the lovely facility, wouldn’t you know it someone left a door unlocked for me to explore, however that was short lived and i was kicked out, oh well. also if anyone finds my leonardo teenage mutant ninja turtle action figure please send it to 2727 Leo Harris Pkwy Eugene, OR 97401.

but on my way out of town i was informed i must try a local delicacy from all places a gas station… casey’s breakfast pizza. and what a delightful delicious surprise it was. also corn syrup… have you tried this stuff?!?!?!?!? they really should put this stuff in everything!!! but anyways iowa and buttered toast are very similar, in the way that it’s fine. i give it a rating of 3/5 🌽’s. also this whole no map thing is a real pain in the tail feathers lemme tell ya… stay tuned. 

— duck

5. University of Wisconsin-Madison

day four, madison:

moooooooooooving right along towards the cheddar castle, the parmesan palace, the havarti house, the muenster mansion in the heart of the cheese country better known as camp randall stadium. i was severely disappointed upon arrival as the mozzarella was missing in addition to all the other cheeses from the stadium. what they lacked in cheese they made up for in hospitality.

i made friends with this angry ferret statue who i think might be buckys cousin? idk. but i will say i was under tight watch by the madison campus police department, with every step i took i felt a security camera following me. so i got outta there and was able to try some fine dining and had a butter burger and cheese curds at culver’s… not quite the fondu pot i was looking for but it made do. i give madison a rating of 3/5 🧀’s. without a map though i think i might end up in canada but tbd.

— duck

6. Northwestern University

day five, evanston:

so here’s the deal… everyone and their grandma said this place was going to stink and would be the worst stop on the road trip. I STRONGLY DISAGREE!!! this place is the best. it had everything! excavators, backhoes, bulldozers, tractors, forklifts, cement trucks, scissor lifts, dump trucks, tower cranes, truck cranes, hard hats… you name it, they had it! it was sick! idk where they play football here with all this equipment everywhere but that’s not my problem. easily 7/5 🏗️’s (because i saw 7 cranes) and i can't wait to go back as i am so sad i have to leave.

— duck

7. Purdue University

also day five, west lafayette:

when it comes to purdue pete, no hate no shade no pink lemonade. i recently learned that the boilermaker's official team mascot is, in fact, a train. a freakin’ train. good googly moogly was i excited when i found out this little bit of tid. after driving around west lafayette looking for the ‘boilermaker special’ i sat down defeated in a patch of grass.

and what to my wandering eye should appear but the freakin’ ‘boilermaker special’ which is kind of like a train but also like a truck that looks like a train. i jumped in my Toyota Sienna™ and proceeded to go on a low speed chase through the quiet town of west lafayette. i caught up to them almost immediately and the nice lady let me toot the horn. ross-ade stadium was also in west lafayette. anyways 5/5 🚂’s.

— duck

8. University of Illinois

day six, champaign:

fun fact. illinois is known for producing more pumpkins than any other state. so obviously i was v excited to meet the illinois university pumpkin mascot. i narrowly avoided a tumbleweed on my way into town. i figured id have the best luck at the illinois university football stadium. 

the signs pointed toward memorial stadium and at first i was confused because i thought i'd already been to memorial stadium back in nebraska. what a coincidence that there are 2 memorial stadiums in the big ten?? vibrant orange (not my fav but a good sign for pumpkins) and blue stretching as far as my beady little eyes could see. i asked a goose where the pumpkin mascot was and it just hissed at me and flapped their wings. geese are the worst.

turns out, illinois is home to the fighting illini. not pumpkins. 

i took a picture standing on top of what looked like a pumpkin, and oh my gourd, i think i spotted a fighting illini. just inside the gates, beyond my reach. i tried to get in. believe me. ducks aren’t great climbers. i hurt my finger. 

i guess ill have to wait until october 26th, when they come to eugene. we’ll have plenty of pumpkins waiting for them. 

i give champaign a rating of 4/5 🍕’s (because last night in chicago I ate an entire deep dish pizza and honestly i'm not sure i’ll be eating anything else for three days). stay tuned as i continue my journey—map still missing. aimless wandering continues. 

— duck

9. Indiana University

still day six, indiana:

I love gene hackman. behind enemy lines? i actually can’t watch it because it's not PG. antz? way better than the other bug movie. and who could forget welcome to mooseport?! my all time favorite gene hackman movie has to be hoosiers. my favorite story about a basketball school that doesn’t include a dog. i was really excited to go to indiana university to where hoosiers was filmed. but the basketball arena was locked, so i guess i have to settle for the indiana university football stadium which is called….*checks notes* ……memorial stadium. you’ve got to be kidding me. 

anyhoosiers. i got back on my merry little way without even seeing where gene hackman sleeps. no one even passed me the rock. the only rock i saw was outside the football stadium and it was too big to dribble. 

3/5 🏀’s.

— duck

11. Ohio State University

day seven, columbus:

ah columbus, i remember columbus. last time i was here i left my gold inflatable chair. so I figured i'd try to find my buddy brutus and see if he still had it.

a lot of people think that brutus and i are enemies but we're actually pretty tight. he showed me around campus, i saw a sign that was ohio but written in cursive which i guess they still teach at ohio state. we saw buckeye grove, a neat pond and watched a band practice.

all that sightseeing worked up an appetite. i was craving hazelnuts (or for the educated among us, filberts). really any kind of nut would do... macadamia, cashew, almonds, wall, coco, even a peanut. instead brutus insisted i try a local favorite, spaghetti with chili on it. i tell ya... these guys are nuts. 5/5 🌰’s. 

— duck

12. University of Michigan

day eight, ann arbor:

 the big house, such rich american history. the only things more american would be apple pie and the statue of liberty. i looked up michigan's school colors because I wasn’t quite sure when i was there and the google machine says it's blue and “maize.” which is a word I had to look up on the google machine. spoilers: it's corn. google also told me that michigan doesn’t have a mascot either. which is confusing because they say they are the wolverines. my second favorite avenger (behind hawkeye). yes, wolverine was a member of the avengers. also the x-men and the fantastic 4. i think i'm going to like the big 10 if there are this many avengers. but i digress. as luck would have it, i packed my wolverine toy so i brought him to the big house. so i says to him, i says, logan, this is where you belong now. i gave him half of my reuben sandwich from zingerman’s deli and continued on my merry little way.  4/5 🗽’s.

— duck

13. Michigan State University

still day eight, east lancing:

never in my life did i think i'd be touring all these incredible stadiums. i can't wait for all my friends to see them too! one of my favorites has to be the spartan stadium in east dan lanning.

gunna be honest, even though it was pouring down rain i sloshed my way around the stadium to try and get a good view inside, but all the gates were locked up tight.

give tammy a raise, because when she spotted me wandering around outside, she quickly invited me in from the rain. after we watched the storm pass she really embodied that michigander hospitality asked if i wanted to see the field!

you can bet your bottom dollar when these guys come out to eugene, i'm gunna show them all my favorite stuff. my toys, autzen, paper clips, corn, even a cool rock i found once when i fell off my bike but it was okay.

upwards and onwards! only a few more stadiums to go… did you guys know you can get maps on your phone? 5/5 👉✋’s

— duck

14. Pennsylvania State University

day nine, state college:

this one was a real head scratcher. it’s called beaver stadium, but i know the beavers, and this wasn’t their stadium. they had a big cougar statue, but they kept calling it a lion. also there were only pencils, which for obvious reasons, is sus.

all this gave me a headache, which also could have been the brain freeze from a gigantic ice cream cone I got from penn state berkey creamery.

i thought pennsylvania is where puxantauny phil lives. but clearly gophers are from minnesota. i don’t know what to believe anymore. i have a tummy ache. my doctor says i lack toast and tolerate. where is ashton with his camera? where is the nittany lion and why does he remind me of the old teddy bear from that movie “hook” with dustin hoffman, robin williams, and julia roberts? is dunder mifflin nearby? why is everything brick? i’m spiraling. circle breaths…so many stadiums, so many schools. so much corn, so much ice cream….. 3/5 ✒️’s.

— duck

15. University of Maryland

day ten, college park:

i like turtles. 5/5 🐢’s.
— duck

16. Rutgers University-New Brunswick

day whatever it is now, piscataway:

i feel like this was a HIKE to get here. and i’ll tell ya this for free… i didn’t see the shore, i didn’t see snooki, i didn’t even see jon bon jovi. it almost had me thinking, what was the point of all this… but then i found it. the saving grace of college footballs birthplace was the salt water taffy and lobstaaaaaaaa rolls… i think that’s how you say it. 

after riding the sugar high from all the taffy stuck to the roof of my mouth i decided to take a trip up the turnpike and see the big easy, nyc. i had some pizza, rode the subway and saw lady liberty! def give this 4/5 🦞’s.
— duck

17. University of Southern California and University of California Los Angeles

day 2,319... los angeles:

finally, a familiar place. but why do i just feel like i was on the road 5ever to get here this time? idk. regardless it was nice to see the big yellow ball in the sky again. so after grabbing lunch with hailey and justin i thought ya know what, i should go get a little afternoon workout in. so i did. some place called muscle beach and clearly i need to do more pushups 👀 the people there would make the rock look like he steve urkel next to them. it was wild.

so after holding my own i decided to take a stroll down the boardwalk and lay on the beach for a bit. looking out on the crashing waves was so soothing as i reflected on this road trip as well as this new venture i have ahead of me. i’m just excited okay, is that so wrong?!?!?!?! no, i don’t think so. anyhoosiers 4/5 🌊’s 

— duck